Facing the Reality of Death
The first quarter of this year made me face the reality of death. First, my 33-year old sister in community who’s one of my closest was diagnosed to have cancer in advanced stage. Second, my 45-year old closest mentor at work died of heart attack. Third, my 98-year old great grandmother who has been my guardian when I relocated to Manila died while I was out of the country.
My dear sister in community was diagnosed with non-hodgkin lymphoma in its advanced state on the first week of January. We did not know the exact diagnosis that time; we only knew she had a big malignant lump that needs immediate operation. I was in denial for sometime; I can’t believe someone as young as her can have a terminal illness. However, as she now undergoes ongoing chemo therapy, I am filled with much hope. She is filled with abundant grace and honestly believes she will be completely healed. Now I no longer worry. Instead, I ask God that if only for her faith He would completely heal her.
Three weeks after we learned of my friend’s cancer, my closest mentor at work who was about to become my boss suddenly died of heart attack. I was in Hongkong Disneyland enjoying my weekend vacation when I learned about his death. Again, I was in denial. It took me some more days to accept the fact of his death and to allow my self to grieve. I did grieve and felt better. But what really made me feel good was the thought that I was able to express my appreciation for him while he was alive.
My great grandmother should have turned 98 years old this April 22. Although her death was not totally unexpected, I was still surprised when I received the info while I was in China. I was unable to attend her funeral as I was still in China that time. However, I was confident of my relationship with Lola and that she will understand my physical absence in her wake and funeral. I was glad I was able to recently visit her together with my parents and sister. I know that Lola understands the nature of my work and she knows her great value to me. I am also assured of her love for me.
Truly, it is not easy to face the reality of death. The natural first reaction is that of denial. Glad I was able to move to acceptance stage relatively soon in each case. I am blessed to have a very good support group in my Christian community whom I can confide my struggles and grief, and help me move on. What I count as greater blessing is the opportunity to have loved (and continue to love by praying for them) especially those who passed away. I am not as expressive as the most expressive of women. But I have learned that it is important to live the moment, to treasure relationships, and to express my appreciation to people while they can savor it.
Each reality of death that I face also reminds me how temporary my own life is. I am reminded that I am only a pilgrim and not a permanent resident of this world. I am reminded that I only have a very short time to live this borrowed life. I am convicted that I have to make a difference while I am here, and the best way is to fulfill the purpose God created me for. I pray that when my time to leave this earthly life comes, I am ready, and I can hear God saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Welcome to my Kingdom!"
