Riza Fortuna

I had my vacation in Davao last March 31 to April 7. That was my purely personal trip so far this year. The main intent was to take a break, slow down, and recharge. I believe I have achieved such intent.

I was able to attend my cousin Camille’s high school graduation, joined Holy Week activities, went to the mountains with my friend Alot, and simply hang out with my young cousins. The most memorable experience I had which still gives me a hang over from that vacation is experiencing the bright spirit of Ella, my youngest first cousin in Davao who is also my god daughter.

Ella and I spent the most time together. We slept beside each other, ate together, attended Camille’s graduation and the holy week activities, and visited tourist spots. Sometimes I even bathe her. A lot of times she would spontaneously pose and I take her photos.

Her bright spirit really amazes me. No doubt she is an extrovert and a very smart girl. When given a task, she would do her best and makes us laugh since she goes a little too far. For example, when we decided to do the stations of the cross at home, she not only joined us by reading some of the stations but she prepared the set up as if we have a chapel in their house. She also volunteered to lead the rosary. When I asked her to serve her older sisters on Good Friday during dinner, she happily obliged and acted like a waitress asking for their drink orders and prepared and served them iced tea and cold water. She would also read aloud my devotionals such that my prayer time is spiced up with some "audio" courtesy of Ella.

She asked me if I can stay longer in Davao like for 100 days. I said no because I need to get back to work. When I left Davao, Ella, her mom and sisters sent me off at the airport. When I was about to board the plane, I already got a text message from Camille, her oldest sister, that Ella was already missing me and was so silent (not her usual bubbly self). Two nights after I left Davao, Ella called and asked me to go back and stay with them for 100 days.

I know these are all innocent child requests. But I also really miss her a lot. While I miss all of my aunt and all her kids, I missed Ella most. Deep within I feel this could also be my motherly instinct. She could have been the daughter I don’t yet have. She is seven years old, good enough to have me as her mom, and her bright spirit is not too far from what I am blessed with.

To this day, I continue to smile at the memories that Ella and I created. Am amazed at the wonders a child can bring. And most of all amazed of God’s brilliance in creating each one of us with a unique beautiful spirit which is evident even at early childhood.

The first quarter of this year made me face the reality of death. First, my 33-year old sister in community who’s one of my closest was diagnosed to have cancer in advanced stage. Second, my 45-year old closest mentor at work died of heart attack. Third, my 98-year old great grandmother who has been my guardian when I relocated to Manila died while I was out of the country.

My dear sister in community was diagnosed with non-hodgkin lymphoma in its advanced state on the first week of January. We did not know the exact diagnosis that time; we only knew she had a big malignant lump that needs immediate operation. I was in denial for sometime; I can’t believe someone as young as her can have a terminal illness. However, as she now undergoes ongoing chemo therapy, I am filled with much hope. She is filled with abundant grace and honestly believes she will be completely healed. Now I no longer worry. Instead, I ask God that if only for her faith He would completely heal her.

Three weeks after we learned of my friend’s cancer, my closest mentor at work who was about to become my boss suddenly died of heart attack. I was in Hongkong Disneyland enjoying my weekend vacation when I learned about his death. Again, I was in denial. It took me some more days to accept the fact of his death and to allow my self to grieve. I did grieve and felt better. But what really made me feel good was the thought that I was able to express my appreciation for him while he was alive.

My great grandmother should have turned 98 years old this April 22. Although her death was not totally unexpected, I was still surprised when I received the info while I was in China. I was unable to attend her funeral as I was still in China that time. However, I was confident of my relationship with Lola and that she will understand my physical absence in her wake and funeral. I was glad I was able to recently visit her together with my parents and sister. I know that Lola understands the nature of my work and she knows her great value to me. I am also assured of her love for me.

Truly, it is not easy to face the reality of death. The natural first reaction is that of denial. Glad I was able to move to acceptance stage relatively soon in each case. I am blessed to have a very good support group in my Christian community whom I can confide my struggles and grief, and help me move on. What I count as greater blessing is the opportunity to have loved (and continue to love by praying for them) especially those who passed away. I am not as expressive as the most expressive of women. But I have learned that it is important to live the moment, to treasure relationships, and to express my appreciation to people while they can savor it.

Each reality of death that I face also reminds me how temporary my own life is. I am reminded that I am only a pilgrim and not a permanent resident of this world. I am reminded that I only have a very short time to live this borrowed life. I am convicted that I have to make a difference while I am here, and the best way is to fulfill the purpose God created me for. I pray that when my time to leave this earthly life comes, I am ready, and I can hear God saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Welcome to my Kingdom!"

I was in Guangzhou, China last week for a business meeting. Upon my return to Manila, I had a very early flight to Hongkong. I do take heavy breakfast daily. Since my flight to HK was at 8am, I was caught hungry at the Guangzhou airport. However, I almost had no cash anymore, and so it was such a challenge finding something to eat with around 5 USD cash. The restaurants at that airport do not accept credit cards.

I chose a cafe which I thought had reasonable prices. I decided to order a chocolate pancake worth 40 Yuan. I had only 27 Yuan and 2 US dollars left in my wallet. I asked for the USD conversion to Chinese Yuan and it was 7.5. So I had enough for one order of chocolate pancake; I paid 25 Yuan and 2 dollars. Good I brought with me one bottle of mineral water, a left over from my meeting. And so I ate my breakfast.

After I consumed my pancake, the waitress was coming to me with a big smile. Then with some side laugh she said, "My manager thinks you may still be hungry, here is another pancake for you for free". I was caught off guard, but managed to say "Thank you very much, xie xie ni!" and had a big smile. I never pretended I did not want the free pancake nor was I not hungry. I happily received the treat and consumed it heartily.

Then the waitress again approached me and made small talk. She said the manager had two bowls of soup that morning. To my mind, he was used by God to be filled with compassion for me so I can have enough for my breakfast even as my money was lacking. She seemed to have been amused by me and also told me “You have nice skin". I was really amazed. I was the one given free food and yet I was also the one complimented.

God knows and provides for everything that I need. He knows my appetite and he provided for enough filling for me that morning. Not to forget that chocolate pancakes are one of my favorites. I am sure that it was no coincidence that I found favor in the eyes of the restaurant manager and staff. It was God providing for her hungry daughter. Isn’t it amazing?! All praise be to God, my ever generous Provider!