Riza Fortuna

Paul, my technical mentor and very good friend at work died. I got the call about his death last Monday but the fact did not sink in right away. Until Wednesday I was in denial. When I finally talked with my boss who is also very close to Paul yesterday, I started to realize that his death is real and I can’t help but start to cry. Until now I cry whenever I remember him.

Last night, I had the privilege to meet with my pastoral leader in community who made me realize that I should not downplay the effect of Paul’s death on me; that he is very important and close to me. I am glad that I was able to let my feelings out and recognize that yes I need to allow myself to grieve. Paul has been my closest colleague in my technical community of practice. He has been my best big brother at work. He is supposed to be my new boss starting this month and I was joyfully anticipating that but now he will never be. Paul and I were able to confide to each other some of our joys and disappointments. I have cherished the few phone calls which were rich with mutual trust. He has been based in Belgium and me in the Philippines but the distance did not matter.

His death reminds me of how short life is. He is only 45 years old when he died of massive heart attack last Sunday. I am just glad that when he died he was in the company of his family. I am also grateful that I was able to express how much I appreciate him. Several times I have thanked him for all his help to me and to the whole Asia region. When he called me last December to tell me of his move to Asia this month where he will be my boss, I was able to tell him that Asia is waiting for him, that he is one of us here, and I am personally looking forward to work with him. I also sent him a handwritten Christmas card expressing my gratefulness for all he has done for me and my organization, and on how much am happy to work with him soon. In this respect, I feel good that I did not withhold my appreciation but expressed them freely to him while he was still able to hear it and experience the joy of being appreciated.

My grieving is not yet over. But I know that I need to move on at some point. I pray that God heal me of my hurt about Paul’s passing away. I pray that I surrender Paul to God completely. Most of all I pray that God have mercy on the soul of Paul and grant him eternal rest.

Lastly and very importantly, I resolve to continue to honor my mentor Paul even when he is no longer here to coach me by being my best at work. I want him to be very proud of me, to say that the colleague he most trained personally in Asia is doing her best. Like him, I want to be both a great resource and friend to many at work.